It Just Hurts
by vicctoria
Summary: You can't change the way you feel. Trust me on that, I know. If I could control my feelings I wouldn't sit here brokenhearted because then I would never have fallen in love with my best friend. My straight best friend that is. Rated M for future lemon! Sasunaru, High School fic, AU.
1. Chapter 1

Title: It Just Hurts

Disclaimer: All characters around Naruto and the god himself belongs to Masashi Kishimoto

Warnings: Language and a little lime

_Prologue_

* * *

_If you ask me how I'm doing I would say I'm doing just fine_

_I would lie and say that you're not on my mind_

_But I go out and I sit down at a table set for two _

_and finally I'm forced to face the truth_

_No matter what I say, I'm not over you_

* * *

There is certain things in life that you cannot change.

You can't change that the grass is green, you can't change the fact that you were born, you can't change the way you look and you can certainly not change how you _feel_.

Trust me on that, I know. If I could control my feelings I wouldn't sit here brokenhearted because then I would never have fallen in love with my best friend. My _straight_ best friend. But I guess this is how it's supposed to be. At least that's what I'm trying to convince myself.

_Argh_. I cross my arms on my desk and bury my head in them. _Why, why, why?_ I lift my head up only to let it fall down again punctuating each word.

My mind betrays me and pictures of the person who is the reason for all of this starts filling my head. Pale porcelain skin, his eyes gives midnight a challenge and eyes to match. He's basically beauty personified. And then that body, _mhm_, that's some good shit. I shake my head in a desperate attempt to escape the pictures since they were sending shivers down my spine heading somewhere particularly south.

"Uchiha Sasuke" his name rolls off my tongue like it was meant to do that for the rest of eternity. "why did it have to be him? He's a bastard and he's straight goddamnit! Anyone else but him,_ anyone else.." _Hah talking to an empty room was becoming more and more usual for me.

For real though, he is a bastard and he can be quite the mean one when he wants to. And he's straight. Probably because of that giant stick up his ass.

I know that unrequited love always hurts, _well duh_, but this is more than hurting. It's the knowledge of never having him love me the way that I love him, It's the knowledge that he'll probably be disgusted by me if I tell him that I'm gay then imagine how he'll react when I tell him that he's the one I love.

Besides all that unrequited love thingy, which you would think was enough, there's the acceptance. The acceptance of myself, to accept that I like boys and accept the fact that there is nothing I can do about it. Where I live you don't look down on gay people and you don't treat them any different, so that's really nice but _still_. _All around the world, _people are talking about how truly disgusted they are about a person who likes the same gender. It doesn't matter how strong of a person you are, that shit gets to you.

I'm still fighting with accepting myself everyday. I'm closer today than I was yesterday.

Yeah Uchiha Sasuke, you've really fucked me up man. Everyday being with you, taking on the role as your best friend, acting like everything is perfectly normal when all I want to do is kiss you and run my fingers through your hair.

It just _hurts._

* * *

_P.O.V Change._

There is certain things in life that you have no control over whatsoever. You can't control how the earth moves, you can't control the fact that if you're placing your hand on a warm hotplate you're gonna burn yourself idiot, and you can't control your _feelings._

The last one is the most frustrating one for sure. I'm a pretty conservative person, I don't let people get to know _me, _who I am on the inside like what I'm feeling and such. I've learned to control how I express myself, I _never _show what I'm feeling. I can arch my brow and put on a smirk, give the expression that I'm confident, when all I want to do is break down and cry, that's my defence mechanism.

That's why the fact that no matter how I want to be confident and secure and act like everything is under control, I can't _be_ that and I can't just feel that way just because I want to.

Trust me on that, If I could feel the way I wanted to, my life wouldn't be so fucked up. One of those feelings that really has drove me to the edge is love. _Ugh_ I hate that word, _love_. Love for a certain someone. An idiot really. Love for my best friend, my _straight_ best friend that is. It's like the universe just likes to mess with me, toss me around till I can't tell left from right. Loving your best friend is enough hurting as it is then _of course_ he can't be interested in the same _gender_ as me. That's just... _UGH._

I lean against the blue-white tile wall while closing my eyes. The warm water is running through my dark hair down my body. _Hn, something's strange, _I look down my body and can't help but frown. _Of course I have to become hard just by thinking of him_.

As those words are formed all kinds of naughty pictures fills my head and my cock twitches happily. I wrap a wet hand around my shaft and I start pumping carefully.

"Oh god" I moan while feelings of ecstasy fills me.

I imagine that instead of my hand, I feel his lips. His lips around my throbbing cock, looking up at me with those blue eyes that I know all too well. I imagine that I drive my fingers through his blonde spikes and pulls him closer.

His head bobs faster and faster up and down my cock creating that _lovely_ friction. I let my head fall back against the tile wall and I can't hold back my moans. My hips starts bucking forward and my vision turns blurry, and I'm _close_. How could something feel so _good? _How is this kind of pleasure not a sin?

I look down on him again and I feel shiver of pleasure running down my spine and I feel that my eyes aren't able to move from those beautiful eyes. He's looking up at me with an expression of innocence on his face and his blonde bangs are sticking to his forehead with sweat. I can feel him smirking around me as he gives my cock one last hard suck

"Naruto!" I scream out as I climax. I feel the hot substance on my hand as my hips jerks froward.

Oh. My. God. That was truly and utterly _amazing_.

I glide down with my back pressed against the wall until I'm sitting on the floor and I can't suppress a sigh. No matter how god that feels physically it's killing me emotionally. That scene will never happen. He will never love me. Why can't I get that through my head? It _hurts_ being filled with so much hope and then realise that I've been lying to myself. I don't stand a chance and that breaks my heart.

Yeah Uzumaki Naruto you've really fucked me up man. Everyday being with you, taking the role as your best friend, acting like everything is perfectly normal when all I want to do is kiss you and let you run your fingers through my hair.

It just _hurts_.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: It Just Hurts

Warning: None I think.

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

A/N: So this is kind of a short chapter but I promise that the next one will be longer and they won't just think _all the time_, but this was a chapter to just get a little insight on how they feel on a regular basis. It's also to show how similar they are to each other.

* * *

_So I guess the fortune tellers right_

_Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light_

_To crawl beneath my veins and now_

_I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much_

_There's just so many things that I can't touch, Im torn_

* * *

I open my eyes only to be blinded by the sun whose rays hit me directly in the eyes. I quickly close my eyes and roll on my back with a groan.

_Great, Monday._ Ugh I really don't like mondays. Well maybe I shouldn't complain, my first class begins at ten so I guess I'm kind of lucky but _still_. Mondays means school and lets just say that I'm not such a big fan of sitting in a desk for 5-7 hours each day listening to teachers talk about stuff that I already know. Yeah I'm actually kind of smart, I just don't put an effort to it, I don't see a reason to. I'm not aiming for a career in any of those kind of subjects anyway, I want to work with music, that's where my heart is.

I'm going through my schedule in my head, starting with the first lesson which I both were and then again weren't excited about. Normally it'd be my favourite class but today I... just.. Whatever. Music. That's my first class and well as I just said, It's what I love so why weren't I jumping upside down of joy? Well because a certain _someone_ shared that class with me. I know, I know, why am I complaining, I'm sharing my favourite class with my favourite person. Well it's not that simple. Ah, how do I put this? If you were really, I mean _really_, thirsty and there happened to be a water bottle in front of you that you desperately wanted, you would obviously take it. But every time you try to grab it, it moves away from you, not far, but still out of your range. That's what it feels like every time I'm being with him. He's there, _so close_, but still out of my reach. He's my best friend and I know that he loves me but not the way I want him to, the way I _need_ him to. _Oh so close_ but yet _so far away._

I roll to my side and look at my alarm clock. _08.59_. That means I have about an hour to get ready. I stretch my body and with a yawn i sit up. I slowly stand up and can't help but wince at the pain in my legs. I went out for a long run yesterday and well I didn't have time to stretch afterwards so my muscles are pretty sore at the moment. I shake my head and I start to take small steps towards my bathroom trying not to bend my legs.

_ ~oxOxoxOxoxOxo~_

The picture I meet in the mirror is horrifying. My blonde hair is _everywhere_ and I got dark circles under my eyes.

"That's what I get for sitting up all night thinking about him" I mutter to myself while I run my fingers through my hair. My hand gets stuck somewhere in the middle of it and I try to pull my hand back..

"ITAI! That hurt!" I shout while I'm feeling a really uncomfortable ache spread across my scalp. I'm tired, I'm half naked, I'm standing in my bathroom with my fucking _hand_ stuck in my fucking _hair_. This is just because it's monday I swear.

With my free hand I start to pull my boxers down my legs and I step out of them. I pick them up from the floor and throw them towards the direction of the laundry basket while I'm walking towards the shower.

* * *

~P.O.V change~

* * *

I open my eyes to be engulfed in darkness. If it weren't for the small spring of light that penetrated my black curtains I wouldn't have noticed any difference between closing my eyes or opening them.

I'm lying on my back staring up at the ceiling trying to get my head to function clear. _Hn, Monday. _Let's just say that I'm not exactly thrilled about going to school, but it's not for the reason you may think. It's not because I think it's boring, it's quite the opposite actually, it's because of Naruto. I don't think that I'm ready to see him. Every lesson with him is hard but this weekend I've done nothing else than just thinking about him. Brooding over him. _Hah, good Sasuke, way to go with honouring the Uchiha name, crying over some boy. _But still, Naruto isn't just _some boy_. He is a dobe. An idiot, a moron whatever you want to call it. But also so much more. He's kind, he's understanding and his smile leaves me breathless. Did I mention stupid?

Even the strongest and most powerful of men would fall for that so who can blame me?

I roll over to my side to look at the clock on my bedside table. _07.59_. So about two hours then. I mentally groan as I ascend from my warm bed with a frown on my face. I walk over to my window and slowly peaks through the curtains. Bad decision.

"Motherfu-" I exclaim as I put my hand before my eyes as a shield. _I think I'm blind. _The sun had greeted me with a not-so-gentle good morning by sending it's blinding rays directly to my face, or rather my eyes. Eyes that were now aching because of the sudden change of brightness. I rub my eyes with the heel of my hands and start the route to my bathroom.

As I'm walking I'm trying not to think about the fact that as soon as the sun had come into thought there was a picture in my head of a certain blonde. I guess he just reminds me of the sun in some way. He's always so bright and he's spreading joy wherever he goes.

I reach the bathroom and with a sigh I open the door and turn on the light. Even though I should have seen it coming I can't help but wince as my poor eyes are _again_ victims to my own stupidity. I run a pale hand through my hair as I look in the mirror, glaring into onyx eyes.

_ ~oxOxoxOxoxOxo~_

_Hn, music with the dobe._ So well music is kind of my favourite class, I just love expressing myself through either piano or singing. It's like entering another world, you get a new perspective of things, you see things you normally wouldn't, and most of all, you _feel_ things you normally wouldn't. That's why I love to hear Naruto sing. To hear his voice filled with emotion, letting it all out in a way that he could never have if he weren't singing. It's so beautiful to just feel like being a part of him, understand him a little bit better through his music. But it's still really hard for me. Especially when he's singing from that special place in his heart. When he's singing about love. It's breathtaking and heartbreaking at the same time.

Breathtaking because you can literally _feel_ what he _feels_ when he's singing. You can feel the love he has for someone, how much he cares.

Heartbreaking because it's just hard hearing him express his feelings for someone that is _not me_. If I could wish for anything in this world it would be that he would sing like that to _me_ and mean every word.


	3. Chapter 3

Warnings: This is a Boy x Boy story and if this bothers you, LEAVE.

Disclaimer: I own nothing *cries*

A/N: I just want to say thank you to all of you who has reviewed and add this story to your favourites. I LOVE YOU! I really appreciate it :3 Sooo in this chapter I tried a little bit 3rd P.O.V in the end and I don't really know how that went, so if you have something that you want me to change you are more than welcome to tell me in a review!

* * *

_What day is it_

_And in what month?_

_This clock never seemed so alive_

_I can't keep up, and I can't back down_

_I've been losing so much time_

* * *

_Sasuke, 3 months ago_

I'm walking through the halls of Konoha High School and I can literally _feel_ all of their eyes on me. It's always like this. Wherever I go, people is staring at me, girls are blushing, guys are envious. It just disgust me, how people see me as an object just because of the way I look.

I see that some girl with pink hair is smiling at me and starts walking towards me. I just glare at her and ignores her as she tries to say hi. I push past her and continue with my task, finding the principal's office.

Before you start jumping to conclusions I'm new and that's why I need to go there, I'm not in trouble, I'm an Uchiha, we never get in trouble.

After about five minutes I found myself outside the principal's office. I walk towards a woman who's sitting at a desk in the center of the room. She's looking through some papers and I clear my throat to get her attention.

"What do you want?" she asks, not even looking up from her papers.

I can't help but frown at the lack of manners. Who did she think she was?

"Hn, I'm Uchiha Sasuke and I'm new here. Could I please talk to principal Tsunade? I need my schedule." I grunt out through gritted teeth.

The woman looks up at me and gives me a "once over" before standing up and walking to another room. _Excuse me? Did she just.. did she just walk away from me? From _me, _Uchiha Sasuke? _I clench my hands at me sides and just stand there glaring towards the direction that she'd left in.

This is just not my day in any way. I don't even want to be here! I don't want to study at some lame _Konoha High School_, I don't want to meet these shallow people that only see me for my good looks, and I certainly don't want to be here for _one whole fucking year_. I groan as the thought hit me. Oh god. One year. Just kill me already.

Suddenly the woman from before walks out of the room with papers in her hand. She walks over to me and put them in my hands.

"Okay, _Uchiha Sasuke_" she says my name with a mocking tone and I can feel shivers of anger running through my body. "here's your schedule. There's also some papers I'd like you to fill in about personal information and such. Hurry along now." She grabs my shoulders and turns me around and soon I find myself being shoved towards the door.

"I'm Shizune by the way" she says as she push me through the door. When I turn around to yell at her for her behaviour I'm greeted by a door being slammed in my face.

Not my day, huh? _This is the worst day of my life_. I already hate this school. I can't wait until this day in hell is _over. _

I look at my schedule as I start walking away from the office. I see that my first period is English and since that is one of the subjects that I actually like, it starts to feel a little better. Key word, _little._

_oxOxoxOxoxOxo_

I enter the classroom after a few minutes of wrong turns and disorientation, not that I'll ever admit that to someone. Since I still were a little early there weren't many people in the room so most of the seats were empty. I pick a seat at the back of the classroom and I start taking my books out of my bag.

Soon students starts filling the room from left to right and I can't _not_ frown at the new sound level. Luckily the girls were so busy with themselves that they didn't notice me at the back. _Thank god. _

I open my Literature book and start to look through it halfheartedly. I already know all of this, so I'm just going to try to finnish the book as soon as possible so I can start on the next one. If school wasn't mandatory I'll be out of here quicker than you can say _Uchiha_. I don't need to be here. I'm too smart for this. School for me is just unnecessary and stupid. All it gives me is fangirls, and I _hate_ fangirls.

I'm disturbed in my thoughts by a dark voice. Well maybe dark isn't the best way to describe it, but you know what I mean, a deep voice, a masculine voice.

"Excuse me do you have a pen? I forgot mine at home"

I look up ready to snap a _no_ at the intruder but I find myself unable to. What my eyes meet is definitely _not_ what I was expecting. Not that I really know what I was expecting but that was definitely not it.

Suddenly I'm drowning. Drowning in an ocean of blue. His eyes looks directly into mine and I can feel my heart skipping a beat. I don't know why I'm reacting this way over someone's _eyes_. But there was something with them, something interesting. I felt like they held a mystery, and I could spend hours, or even _days_ looking into his eyes just to try and figure it out.

I notice how his eyes widens a fraction, barely noticeable, as his gaze travels over my face. The smile on his lips starts to slowly fade away as a faint blush starts to form on his cheeks.

I look away from his eyes and notice his blonde hair sticking out in spikes. Normally spiky hair would be seen as childish but it suited him. My eyes wander by their own accord down his face. His skin is sun-kissed and I get the urge to reach out and touch him to see if his skin is as smooth as it looks.

_He_'_s attractive_.

The thought is there before I even had a chance of stopping it. Really though, wow.

I look away from him in an attempt to shake him out of my head, and when I look back at him a frown is gracing my features.

"Yeah I do, but no you can't have it" I answer him.

The boy looks taken aback, obviously expecting another answer. Not that I actually care about what he was expecting. I turn back to my book, sending him the message that I clearly don't want to take this conversation any further. But of course the boy needs to be stupid.

"And why the hell not?" he asks, offended. His brows are furrowed and a frown is plastered on his face.

"I'm not going to share my stuff with a person whom I've just met and on top of that I don't even know your name" I respond with a sigh. The dude may be attractive but that's certainly not going to change my mood today. I'm tired of this school, this day, everything and right now he's just being annoying.

"I'm Naruto, can I have that pen now?" he reaches out his hand as if waiting for me to hand him my pencil. I look from his face, to his hand, and then back to his face with a frown.

"Hn, dumbass I'm not gonna give you _my_ pencil because _I _need it okay?" I answer with a glare and I can feel my patience slipping away. I once again turn back to my book in an attempt to block him out.

"Ey bastard don't call me that! What the hell is your problem? I asked you for a pencil, you don't have to get all bitchy on me" Naruto says, irritation evident in his voice.

No one, and I mean no one, can make me, Uchiha Sasuke, loose it. I don't know what it is with this boy that makes me so riled up but the next thing I know I'm taking deep breaths to calm myself down.

I just ignore him since I know that if I open my mouth I'm not going to be able to control myself from snapping at him.

I look up from my book at the sound of a door closing. Walking towards the teacher desk was a man with grey hair. Hn the grey hair didn't make sense, he looked to be around twenty five at most.

I groaned and closed my eyes.

_Take me away from here._

* * *

_Naruto P.O.V_

I cross my arms over my chest as Kakashi enters the room. A frown is plastered on my face as I'm swearing under my breath at that stupid dude. Who did he think he was? All I did was ask him for a pencil, when did that become some sort of crime? I don't get it.

Like I can understand that he woke up on the wrong side or whatever his problem now is, but I mean I haven't had the best morning either but I'm not walking around being a bastard to everyone I meet. Whatever.

"So, everyone, welcome back!" Kakashi says as he starts to take out some papers from his bag. "I'll just check quickly if everyone's here, and then we'll get started."

He starts calling out names from the list in one of his hands and people answer with a raise of their hand or a simple "here".

"Uchiha Sasuke" he says as he's searching the classroom with his eyes.

The bastard from before answers with a "Hn" and raises his hand a little bit.

_So his name is Sasuke. It suits him. It sounds all emo-ish and boring, just like him._

Kakashi locks his gaze on Sasuke and he furrows his brows.

"Are you new here Sasuke? I'm quite sure I haven't seen you here before" He says as his eyes travels over Sasuke's face.

"Hn, If you haven't seen me here before isn't it quite obvious that I'm new?" Sasuke asks with a snort.

A look of annoyance flashes on Kakashi's face but he let's it slip. He looks down on the list once again and then calls out the next name.

"Uzumaki Naruto" he says and looks up.

I put on a grin as I raise my hand.

"Here"

I look straight at Kakashi so I don't have to see how every head in the room is turned to look at me. I can feel my smile falter a bit as whispers fills the room. _'What is he doing here?' 'He's too stupid for this class, he shouldn't be here' 'Haha is that fag here? I thought he liked singing?' 'Ugh, I don't want to be in this class if he is here' _

I try my best to ignore them, I really do but sometimes that isn't enough. Each word stings. Each word harsher than the one before. You'd think that I'd be used to this by now, but I'm not. You don't get used to something like that. You always have that tiny flame of hope saying that someone'll be different, someone won't judge me like everyone else.

I don't even get why they hate me so much, I haven't done anything wrong! The popular kids in our class looked at me once, _once_, and decided that they hated me. And well, if the popular kids hated someone, _everyone_ did. From day one I've been called names, I've been laughed at and I've always been alone.

So yeah, you'd think I'd be used to it after 3 years.

* * *

_3rd P.O.V Sasuke_

The classes finished up quickly and soon Sasuke found himself walking towards the cafeteria.

That sounds pretty great, huh? Especially since Sasuke was quite hungry.

But unfortunately he wasn't alone.

"Let go" he growled at the girl who was clutching at his arm.

"But Sasuke-kun I don't want you to get lost" the girl answered with a smile.

Sasuke shook his arm and glared at the girl.

"_Let. Me. Go. NOW!"_ he growled out again. The girl quickly released his arm and Sasuke angrily stomped off.

Since the first period girls had been all over him and he _hated it_. He had tried to just nicely say _Thank you, but no thank you _to not upset them too much, but they simply just didn't get it. They continued like nothing had happened, still touching him and giggling. Throughout the hours his temper dropped lower and lower and his _no_'s got harsher and harsher.

Sasuke arrived at the cafeteria but weren't too excited to go inside. He assumed that he'd be jumped by girls asking him to sit with them. He frowned at the thought. _Great, I can't even eat nowadays _he though angrily as he started walking away from the cafeteria while his stomach protested wildly.

_oxOxoxOxoxOxo_

Sasuke sighed heavily and closed his eyes as he slid down one of the walls in the hall. This day was hell. It started bad and it had only gotten worse, now he couldn't even _eat_. Sasuke wished he could just go home and play piano.

He can't help but snort at that fact, even if it's true. It just sounds weird that someone like him would find such relief in playing piano.

Sasuke rubbed his temple with his index finger and groaned to himself when he heard something.

He opened his eyes and looked to his right. There was nothing there, just an empty corridor. He shook his head and thought that he must've imagined it, but he thought he'd heard music. No, there it was again! He didn't imagine it, beautiful music came from his right.

Sasuke stood up as he slowly started following the music. He came to a halt at a room with an open door. _This is where it's coming from _he thought and peaked inside.

There in the middle of the room sat the annoying blonde from before, _what was his name?, _right Naruto. He sat by a black piano with closed eyes as his fingers danced over the keys, creating a beautiful melody. Sasuke watched as he opened his mouth and started singing, and that's when Sasuke quickly turned and walked away.

Naruto's voice echoed through the almost empty hall as Sasuke hurried towards his locker.

His voice.. If Sasuke had stayed he might have started crying. Naruto's voice was filled with so much _pain_. It found it's way inside some of the rooms that Sasuke so desperately had closed the door to. Rooms that were filled with horrible memories, memories he had tried to forget.

Sasuke shook his head as a frown spread over his face. Naruto was just singing. _Singing can't bring out so much emotion, maybe I'm just tired. _


End file.
